Being in South Lake Tahoe, sipping my coffee while sitting on a picnic bench near my room, with the sun beating down on my exposed right shoulder
My morning coffee view that inspired this post,
South Lake Tahoe
Longest sentence ever shall be left as such, grammatical errors and all, because I feel like it makes sense in the context of this current moment in my life.
I think I go around not realizing how I need moments like this. At home I have the benefit of having zero trouble being totally lazy. People will be like, I just need to slow down and take a moment for me and I'm like follow me, I'll show you the way. Granted, my house is always going to be less tidy than the go-getters who don't slow down. And I only have one kid and she's thirteen-and-a-half and frankly, doesn't need me as much nor does she care to hang out with me as much as she did in the olden days. So it's actually too easy for me to get alone time.
I also am lucky enough to be surrounded by beautiful nature at home and nearby. But usually I'm walking or hiking through it, sometimes taking in the sounds but sometimes listening to a podcast. I like the podcast because I like my mind distracted. Because I don't want to think about work or how much replacing my window will cost or about how seventh grade has been so rough for my kid or about how I'll never find someone to date or even love if I don't look but looking for it is always such a reminder that no one (in whom I'm interested) seems to be looking for this particular version of me or about how much I miss and need my mommy. Like obviously I think about all of these things but I also do a lot to distract myself from these thoughts so that I can be functional.
I'm hoping this trip and these words will make go to one of my favorite spots for nature and take a moment to just sit. To be still. Sure, to meditate. What did one group therapist once say to describe the process... to not stop thinking but to let the thoughts come and go without judgment. Maybe I'll do that more.
Maybe within the still moments I'll take time to nurture neglected parts of myself. Like this part right here who needs to express itself by writing but only ever writes Facebook statuses and really long text messages. We'll see.
Oh, yes, the eavesdropping. This guy was sitting on the shore with his ridiculously adorable baby, taking in the sunset and sharing it with someone via Facetime or similar. And best I could tell he said:
Dude: It's because of the elevation, bruh, we're like closer to space, and space is...
That's what I swear I heard. Does it make sense? No, not at all, it doesn't even go with me trying to tell you how intense the sun felt on my shoulder. But it's amazing. Just like a Tahoe sunset.