The One Where I Quietly (or Not So Quietly) Yell and Maybe Lose Friends

Two days in a row I find myself needing to unload. So here I go.

Being Christian does not make you always right. Saying that x, y, or z goes against the Bible or your understanding of the Bible or the Bible that is used by your religion doesn't make it okay for you to condone and support and even celebrate intolerance.

We have all these Facebook pages popping up to support Phil Robertson because A & E fired him for lines like this in his recent GQ Magazine interview, the text of which can be found in its entirety here:

“We never, ever judge someone on who’s going to heaven, hell. That’s the Almighty’s job. We just love ’em, give ’em the good news about Jesus—whether they’re homosexuals, drunks, terrorists. We let God sort ’em out later, you see what I’m saying?”
So for him to lump gays in with terrorists is okay. Because we are ALL anti-terrorists. But don't you know that terrorists terrorize because WE are not following along with THEIR idea about religion?

Is this parallel lost on you? And by you, I mean those think it's cool to throw gays in with terrorists and those who think it's okay for Phil Robertson to say whatever he wants in a PUBLIC FORUM but it's NOT OKAY for his employer to can him over it.

People. That don't make no kind of sense.

And this gem, about how black folks seemed to have it good back in the day:

Phil On Growing Up in Pre-Civil-Rights-Era Louisiana
“I never, with my eyes, saw the mistreatment of any black person. Not once. Where we lived was all farmers. The blacks worked for the farmers. I hoed cotton with them. I’m with the blacks, because we’re white trash. We’re going across the field.... They’re singing and happy. I never heard one of them, one black person, say, ‘I tell you what: These doggone white people’—not a word!... Pre-entitlement, pre-welfare, you say: Were they happy? They were godly; they were happy; no one was singing the blues.”

Do I even need to say that this is such a ridiculously ignorant thing to say in 2013 in a space for all to read? Do I have to say this to you?

You don't have to march in a parade. You don't have to adopt a gay person like you would a needy child off the TV via UNICEF. No one is asking you to host an "invite a gay and a black person to dinner" night. And no one cares what you are talking about in your houses with your friends. You can not like whomever you want. You can think that being gay is unnatural immoral and should be illegal. And that black folks had it good back in the day.

What it makes no sense for you to do is be up in arms because one man said this stuff in a public forum and his employer, who happens to be a TV network, with millions of people who watch that network decided that he is not someone they want in his employ.

Guess what would have happened had Phil said that at his house to Miss Kay while they were playing cards or wrapping gifts? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I'm up in arms because I LIKE DUCK DYNASTY. My girlfriend literally just gave me Duck Dynasty pint glasses that say "Happy Happy Happy." I bought my Mom ******CHRISTMAS SPOILER ALERT***** the Si-cology book for Christmas. I'm up in arms because Phil did not know the difference between expressing honest opinions and saying stuff that is inflammatory and engenders hate IN FRONT OF A WORLDWIDE AUDIENCE, not with this buddies while on a hunting trip. I'm pissed off that maybe the whole dang show is going to be gone when it has brought a lot of laughs and joy AND good messages about family to people. So THAT'S WHAT WE SHOULD BE PISSED OFF ABOUT. Not that A & E canned him. But that Phil, in that interview, was Phil at his HOUSE and not Phil TALKING TO A MAGAZINE.

Thanks for letting me yell about this.

ENOUGH ALREADY! It's Bleeping Christmas So Let's Try Being NICE!!!!

My heart is broken all over the place. Because I have heavy shit going on in my life, some real and big and ridiculously formidable, and some not so much. And then I just see so much hate and vitriol and hostility all over my Facebook.

I'm so f#$king over it.

Here is the thing. Everyone has a right to their opinion. But when did we get to this place of being so IT'S US AGAINST THEM. We vote this way, WE ARE THE GOOD GUYS. So the other guys ARE THE BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD GUYS.

Calm the eff down, people.

Seriously.

Look, every single administration has probably had something that got bleeped up, right? Sometimes there is a Democrat in office. Other times there is a Republican. I have been voting since 1988 and for almost half the time the guy for whom I voted did not win. Them is the breaks, as they say.

I'm not a "political" person. I don't pay attention to what is going on in the world. I don't watch the news. I go to work, I care for my family, I care about their happiness and the happiness of my friends. I care about being a good person and trying to do the right thing.

During the time that a President was in office who I did not like who was doing stuff I did not like, no amount of complaining about it was going to change anything. It was not going to change my life. It was not going to affect how much I loved my daughter or make my ex-husband less of a jerk or change how much I hated or loved my job at the time.

If you are trying to convince me that the wrong guy is in office with ongoing spewing of hate and hostility and worse, IT'S NOT WORKING.

Do you know what I LOVE? I love facts. I like knowing THE WHOLE STORY. Not just to see snarky posts about one sliver of one problem that blows it up into THE WORST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED EVER.

I am not someone who picks my friends based on their beliefs. I work in an industry that is by and large conservative. I on the other hand, am not. I. Don't. Judge. I don't judge you for how you vote. I judge you by how you live and how you work and how you treat other people.

I'm not saying that just my conservative friends are doing this, they're just the ones AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME with the biggest gripes. I'm am anti-hate. I'm anti-stuff that presents narrow viewpoints. Because there are so many people in the world who are not critical thinkers and they just see one thing and they go ALL ABOARD THE HATE TRAIN! LET'S GO!

All I want, and this sounds crazy as all get out, is to let there be peace on Earth and to let that shit begin with me. I'm not even kidding. Like, look, let's get our stuff worked out. Let's figure this out. As those guys say on Wonder Pets, what's gonna work? TEAMWORK. Seriously and truly and for real.

Not hate and divisiveness. It just doesn't work. Period.



photo credit: http://www.shapes.se/

If you are reading this and you think I'm talking about you, then you may be right. And if you find yourself wallowing in negativity and the urge to constantly share it, then try maybe taking a week or two off and see if you feel better and if the people around you smile more because you're not dwelling on that stuff.

I'm. Just. Saying. Give it a whirl.

Thanks for listening to me.

I was gonna do a post about how I sort of had a mid-life crisis and cut all my hair off (my awesome hair dude sort of talked me into it and I decided with everything I have faced in the last couple of years to be afraid of cutting my hair is just STUPID) so here's a picture of me and I would have left my sexy friend in the pic who took this picture but who knows if she wants her face all up in my crazy ass blog.

My daughter is in HELLA mourning over my hair. She's only ever known me with a bunch more hair. Hopefully she will get a little bit used to it because I kinda dig it and I think it's gonna help with my hot flashes, too.

Merry Christmas, to every single one of you.

photo credit: imdb.com

my fave of all those stop motion Christmas shows from the '70s

I'm Fat, and You're Not. Good For You.

People who inspire me don't feel the need to point out that this group or that group shouldn't be getting positive media attention (here's the article and video about "Fit Mom" that made me do this post that started out as a Facebook status that was getting to long). I don't think it should get you kicked off Facebook, I just think it makes you kind of obnoxious if you can't just revel in how freaking awesome you look and that you accomplished that and that you're inspiring some people. Not me, because while many people inspire me this lady is not one of them.

photo credit: skreened.com

I kinda love this shirt so much right now I could marry it

 



If I looked like this lady, I would spend all the livelong day clothes shopping and having noookie during which time I would turn cartwheels and bend myself into every conceivable position known to mankind, much to the pleasure of the luckiest man in the world, my partner. I mean, I guess even the shopping and constant nookie would get boring after a while, but I don't see when I would have the time to look for people to put down or to be concerned that too many people admire them. COME. THE EFF. ON.

And I guess it's because I've been there. I'm there now. I know it's hard. I don't know this lady's story when it comes to a partner or a job or whatever but I know it can be extra hard if you're a single mom. Or you're a single mom and do shift work. Or if you are a single mom and do shift work and ever spent some of your time helping to care for a parent. Or deal with an ex with a shit ton of problems. And I guess the deal is that these aren't excuses, they're just life. I don't make excuses. I know at anytime I can just say fuck it. I'm on it. I'm eating right. I'm getting up before work to exercise. I'm going to do it all right because I KNOW how to do it. I just haven't yet, at least recently.

photo credit: weknowmemes.com

I had to post this because it had me cracking up

 



While trying to Google images that might work in this post, I came across this post by The Militant Baker who just might be one of the most awesome bloggers upon whom I've ever had the fortune to stumble and I plan to devour a bunch more of her stuff. In the meantime, this is just AWESOME.

I'm fat right now is because of me. Because I've had a hot body and I know how I got there before. I know the reasons I overeat, and I know that every day is the day I hope that I'll turn my shit around. Hell, it could be today, who knows. But in the meantime I sure as hell will find lingerie that I can rock should the need arise to rock some lingerie. I'm. Just. Saying.

photo credit: http://www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk

 

 



The 100 Word Story With No Title

So Her Supreme Awesomeness over at The Klonopin Chronicles posted this thing on Facebook about a 100 word story contest and said she was gonna give that exercise a whirl on account of having probably written 100 word sentences before and I was like, I should try that, too, on account of having also probably written 100 word sentences my own damn self. So I didn't enter the contest but I wrote this and I don't have a title. I suck with titles. Oh, and I posted it here because I haven't posted anything in a long ass time. Because dang, I've been busy and stuff, yo. But that's a post for another time.

By the way, that first sentence was only 63 words.

The 100 Word Story Without a Title

Imagine a life in which one takes responsibility for nothing. Everything is someone else’s fault. Every problem is due to circumstance and misfortune and not the fact that one's personality has unraveled and deteriorated to the point that they feel they owe nothing to anyone. Not even when they owe so much to so many. What must it be like to be unfettered by societal rules where one reaps what one sows and one gets what one gives and instead to take and never give. Imagine what it is like to be in the orbit of that person. It’s awful.

It's kind of a bummer of a story but it's what came to mind in that moment. I could totally do a 100 word happy story but this was the one that needed to come out today, I think.

The One About How I Miss My Dad and the Good Things Left Behind

I can't believe it's been a year since we lost my dad to cancer. It seems like only yesterday that my brother called me at work and said I needed to come to care home where my dad was NOW, not after work as I'd planned. And I went and I held Dad's hand and Mom's hand and I hugged my brother and I told my dad how much I loved him and at least once early in the day he was able to tell me he loved me, too, and though it wasn't clear I know that's what he said.

That was for me. I'm not assuming you guys are crying or anything and if you are I'm sorry and I'll turn it around with some good stuff, at least I hope so.

So, last night I was on the way home from the hospital because my mom's in the hospital because either the universe has a HILARIOUS sense of humor or a really SUPER FUCKED UP sense of humor or you know, life is just nuts and shit like that, and the story of her being in the hospital is another story for another blog and not for today. But anyway. I was on the way home and I decided to have a conversation with my dad.

Yes, like, me in my car, in the dark, talking out loud to my dad who died a year ago. Because here is the thing, and this is what I told him in this conversation, I don't know how all of this works. So I figure what the heck, I told him I loved him and I missed him and if he has any pull with ANYONE who has any control over ANYTHING though I tend to believe all of life is just luck, good or rotten or in-between, but again, what if I'm wrong about that, so I'm like obviously go ahead and pull some strings about Mom so everything goes all smoothly with her and all that. That would be great.

And then I cried like a big fat crybaby bitch all the way to my brother's house to pick up my daughter.

What I have found, when you have a kid, and you are trying to hold it together for the most part around her, because hey, she's a kid, and she should get to be a kid as much as she can and not be worried or worried about her mommy etc. So I have found that the car is for crying. The car is also good for screaming if you need to do that. Roll up the windows first, but then scream your fucking head off if you need to, and in this past year, I have found times that I need to scream my fucking head off.

So I'm thinking I got that sobfest out of the way. So I am planning today when Dad crosses my mind (which will be a lot) to think about what he leaves behind, and not in the sad way, but in the good way.

one of my faves

my baby, my stupid cat, and my baby's Pop Pop



The things that come up in conversation that I call "JohnMoore-isms." Stuff that Dad would have said in response to certain situations. Loud SIGHS he would have made when he's like, what can I even say to that, or the look that he would get on his face. I look at my kid and her amazing  little brain and I'm like, damn, she's hella smart. Like Dad smart. The man was brilliant. And it's like, my brother and I wouldn't be here and wouldn't be us if it weren't for my dad and we're kind okay as far as humans go.

And then we have our wonderful fabulous precious beautiful children. And all of us loved my dad and he loved us and it's like, at the end of the day, when your number is up, and mothereffer, that is going to happen to all of us, like it or not, it's what's left here when your number up. It's who you loved and who remembers you and who walks around with a part of you inside of them.

my baby and my little brother's baby

That's what it's all about.

And Dad, if you have Internet wherever you are, like I already told you, I miss the hell out of you and I wish you were still here and I'm pissed that you're not but I'm grateful for all the pieces of you that are still here.

Blue Cheese and Hot Yoga But Not at the Same Time Because That Would Be Gross

I went to post a comment on the Facebook page of The Klonopin Chronicles and I was like, is it bleu cheese or is it blue cheese? And then I went and found this open letter on Serious Eats and I'm like the Serious Eats people are serious... about eats... so they should know. I'm pretty sure my container from Trader Joe's says "blue" but it's at work and I could have just Googled "Trader Joe's Blue Cheese" but that would have been too logical so instead I Googled, "is it blue or bleu cheese" and found that post. Also this post like on the 4th page of search results and the fact that I went on for 4 pages just goes to show you how I can waste so much f$%king time at the computer when I should be cleaning my house or exercising and that's just one of the reasons my house is so messy and I'm fat.

Well, the main reason I'm fat is because I eat too much. It's actually that simple. A Facebook friend posted something about weight loss and one of her friends made a comment about how someone had told her that 90% of weight loss is about what you eat, how you eat it, and when you eat, or something like that, and only 10% is about the exercise. And of course for years I have just been doing this backwards and stuffing my face and eating my feelings and rewarding myself with food and needing a burrito on the horizon so I have something to look forward to and being too lazy to cook healthy stuff and just really liking food and a lot of it. That being said I have two fabulous food days IN A ROW under my belt and I'm going for a third today. And they weren't perfect because sure, I stayed in the calorie range that MyFitnessPal gave me and all, but like, I one day I didn't eat any fruit at all, for example. So you know, baby steps.

On the subject of exercise I went to my first hot (Bikram) yoga class because friends + Groupon = why not. Also I have done yoga several times throughout the years, first with my Kathy Smith VHS back in the '90's and then there was this Rodney Yee video I did like once or twice and this Yoga Conditioning for Weight Loss one I did a few times and then there is the good ol' Wii Fit yoga. Good times. But I had never been to a yoga class so I was pumped as heck about this.

totally still have this VHS and a drawer full of other VHS exercise tapes

photo credit: ebay.com

So three of my friends and I showed up for the class (one of my friends had been before by herself because two of us got stuck in traffic and they won't let you in if you're late on account of they don't want you stepping on people who are up in their yoga and s#$t) and we go in and IT'S HOT. Now the thing about me and HOT is that I hate it, generally. When I'm not supposed to be hot and I get hot and I sweat or I have a hot f$%king flash I hate it, so much. But if it's about exercise, I'm all for it. Bring it. So this was fine by me and I loved the class even though there are several poses I could not execute because a) I'm fat and b) I'm not very flexible (at least not yet). And a couple of times I got dizzy because IT'S HOT. And it's morning and I have not eaten anything and I had like half a cup of coffee so there you go. But I tried not to panic because the nice lady was whatever you're feeling is normal and if you get tired take a break just sit your ass down and I like that because that is not how CrossFit is. At all. Apples and evil oranges, that's the difference between some intense Bikram yoga and CrossFit. Just my opinion but maybe that will change after another CrossFit class which I might go to because I think I sort of promised the friend who had to do hot yoga all by herself that I'd go to at least one more damn CrossFit class. Anyway, after the hot yoga class we were walking back to my friend's car and we looked like this:

MOTHEREFFING ZOMBIES

photo credit: www.flickr.com

Seriously, the car was parked in a residential area and we thought people might take one step out the door, see us, and then be all like, f$%k me, it's the f#$king zombie apocalypse, and go back inside and call 911. Fortunately we got out of there before anything else happened.

Anyway, yay for exercise and sweat. I'm about to get on the treadmill when I'm done here. I might even run a little. A very little. Mostly I will walk fast though running would be a lot more help in preparing for a zombie apocalypse. 

Yeah, so, in my last post maybe I had a boyfriend but I'm back to being single because sometimes when you love someone it doesn't mean there is enough of them to share with you. Or that they can meet your boyfriend requirements. And breaking up is hard to do. You should have seen me the other day in the depths of despair moments I'd sneak and have while the kid was at school or in the other room. But I'm not there right now and hopefully I won't go back there because it sucks and I'm right now having that "you just broke up so get yourself less fat" thing instead of  a "you just broke up so order a chicken sandwich from Burger King and ask for extra mayonnaise" thing. Because usually with the downs of this relationship (and there have been a SHIT TON) I have that second one but I feel calmer which I take as a really good sign so I'm going to try to stay in that first place, yo.

But I still get to have blue cheese because THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS!!!

photo credit: www.bolthouse.com

Bolthouse Farms Chunky Blue Cheese Yogurt salad dressing is my new jam. Holy hell it's so good. And of course if you add some crumbled blue cheese from TJ's (because I can have that, too, because in moderation it works) it's even better. I had it on romaine lettuce with added blue cheese crumbles and wasabi almonds from Trader Joe's and it was off the chain. 

Okay, damn, my mouth is watering. Let me go get my cardio on so I can my brunch.

Why Tornado People F#$king Suck and This Has Nothing to Do With Actual Tornadoes

I'm not gonna do a long post because I don't want to waste any more energy but I'm sort of doing this because saying it will make me feel better and I really did have this light bulb sort of moment on the way home from this awesome walk I took with some friends and I was like, I gotta write this down. Because I want to remember this image for the next time I need a reminder not to bang my head against the wall, and also someone else might read this and be like oh, that's right, remember what Jen said that one time? I think I will NOT bang my head against a wall this time.

So some people are like tornadoes. Picture a tornado. It's awful and it's destructive and it wreaks havoc. Now trying to have a conversation with someone who is the living embodiment of a tornado. It would basically be like taking a two-by-four and flinging into a tornado. Either that sucker is going to fly away and land in Oz, or there is a good chance it is going to come right back at you and smack you in the face with all of the strength of a tornado.

Let's have some visual aids, shall we?

photo credit: wreg.com

See all that stuff flying around? Those are your words not getting anywhere near where you want them to be. You want them to be all meaningful and stuff and get all up into the brain of the person to whom you're speaking because you're like dang, this is some good important stuff I'm trying to lay on you right now. But they are this tornado. And their brains pretty much look like this on the inside. Like here is what your brain looks like:

photo credit: www.willamette.edu

Except of course your brain is not all colorful like that but it would be hella cool if it were. Anyway, your brain looks like that. And you're all like, being logical, and connecting the dots, and putting words together in a way you make sense, and then the words come out of your mouth, and the tornado person has this ridiculous reaction no matter how you say what you say, because again, their brain looks like this:

 photo credit: www.xarj.net

And when you get done talking to them, you feel like this:

So try not to let them get you to that point. Which is easier said than done. And fortunately, at least in my experience, there are very few people like this. Or, at least I've been ridiculously lucky and I only have one of these in my life with whom I have to deal on a regular basis. But they're out there, and this is my tornado warning for the next time you come upon them. Try not to get bent like like this damn tower. Because you're okay, and they are stuck in the middle of a tornado, which really sucks for them.