Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Where I'm At

So it's not been the greatest week for me. It's been about changes and ups and downs, and while I'm generally a big fan of the ups, the downs I could do without. Well, technically, with no downs, the ups would just be... well... flats? Normals? So while we need the downs, the ups are almost always better.

At work we rotate shifts every three months. Well, we sign up for shifts, anyway. Some people stay on the same shift rotation after rotation, year after year. Either because they have the seniority so they pick the shift they like all the time, or they have no seniority so they are stuck on the same shift every time. At any rate, I'd been working weekend day shift, and now I'm working weekday day shift, and I'm having some trouble adjusting to this.

What, you say? Are you kidding, Jen? You gotta be out of your mind! Weekends off? And you work during the day? Well, yes, it certainly has its benefits. I can get caught up with friends who have a similarly normal schedule without taking time off, so that's cool. But weekend day shift... what an oasis. It really is. Saturday and Sunday during the day, I think the criminals are probably sleeping in or staying at home planning whatever their nighttime shenanigans are going to be. The schools are closed (not sure if you've heard, but teenagers can kind of be a pain in the you-know-where. Should you doubt this just check out the blotter I write for my department sometime and see how much of the stuff on there has to do with teenagers!). Oh, and there are no detectives or administrative types there. And I'll just not comment on that last part except to say that this is generally a good thing.

So whatever, I could totally get used to this new shift. It's not a big deal, and it's only for three months anyway, and after that I'm back on weekend days for six months. But at the same time the shifts changed, so did the weather. Gloomy, gray, dark in the morning when I go in and dark at night when I come home. I feel like the sun left, and with it took my energy and my joie d'vivre. Just like that. And then there was the day with the crazy wind and rain and all that. And then let's just say that my hormones have been off-balance at precisely the wrong time.

All in all, it's been a rough week.

And there's the personal life. Ugh. Here's what I've figured out on that front.

Things don't always work out the way you want.

You can't fix people, even if they want to be fixed. They need to do that on their own.

You can't get someone to take responsibility for their actions if they are dead-set against it. You might have to face the fact that the only thing they know how to do is to blame you or others for everything that is wrong.

I've also figured out this isn't fair. And have long known that life isn't fair. Also, while I don't think nice guys always finish last, and that it makes more sense to be nice than not, I also know that nice guys don't always finish first, either.

This week has been a back and forth struggle for me, between wanting to wallow in self-pity, and wanting to snap out of it and embrace life and all its wonderfulness.

For starters there's this super cute, wonderful, fabulous, awesome, brilliant, exciting, hilarious kid who just walked in a minute ago and said, "Mommy? I loooooooove you." 'Nuff said.

I don't write this down for pity. Those of you who read my blog know me well enough to know that sometimes, just writing it down helps me sort it out. It puts it all into perspective. When I feel sometimes like it's too much, I write it down and think, "Oh, hey, it's not too much. It's just a couple of paragraphs. Piece of cake."

So I work weekdays. It's busier and I'm not feeling comfy-cozy with this new team of officers like I did with the last. On the flip side, one by one my weekends are filling up with fun stuff. There is already a weekend on the calendar that may have three parties. What? Huh? That's just nuts.

So the days are shorter and the weather will be more blustery. On the other hand, I'll get to use my fireplace and cuddle up on the couch with Kayla, and soon it will be Christmas, and I already have the perfect spot for my tree, right in the front window so everyone will be able to see it.

And as far as the personal life... even if some things will never change, I know that I can change how I react to those things.

And I just checked the weather forecast. Sun every day. Even one day next week when it might rain, there is still sun peeking through the clouds.