The last few days I've been feeling like a raving bitch.
I had some discord in my life, and I've been feeling like a spoiled-ass brat. Am I really getting so mad about this, I wondered? What the hell is wrong with me?
But now that I have gotten the issue resolved, and it happened to come out the way I wanted, I realized that I wasn't getting mad because I wasn't getting my way. I was getting mad because it wasn't fair.
Stuff not being fair kicks my ass. In the grand scheme of things, I am super lucky. Like, to have my kid, my family, my friends, my job - I should shut the bleep up and never complain.
But there's this whole big lump of "not-fairness" that I have in my life, and I've pretty much resolved myself to knowing, well, shoot, when it comes to this situation, Jen, you kinda got screwed, you'll continue to get screwed, you can't change that, so move on. I get through this situation of unfairness by looking at all I have in the rest of my life and thinking hey, I'm still way ahead of the game.
But when this one little situation came up recently, I was incensed. It was like okay, I've already figured out the rest of that stuff sort of sucks, but now, really, this is too much. And it wasn't a big thing, but the unfairness of it was big. The lack of give and take. That whole human thing of expecting people to give back what they get. Give and take. Fairness. That was huge.
So after finally being able to get this across, I feel much better. And even now I feel like, is it because I got my way? And it's like no, it's because fair is fair. I do for you, you do for me. That's how it should be. When it can't be like that, that's one thing. But when it can be, so help me it had better be that way or deal with my wrath (I am totally picturing that thing that Samuel L. Jackson's character would say in Pulp Fiction before he capped someone... ).
Anyway, tension is flowing away as I type. I hope all of you get some fairness today. You deserve it.