Wednesday, September 19, 2012

My Cat Makes Me Wanna Break S$%t

Really, he does.

Right now he is doing his current crazy thing, which is to sit on the bathroom counter. Why? I have no idea. I am in the office and I can hear that something just fell off the counter and since I don't have ghosts (well, I kinda have had one or may still have one [which is a whole other story] but never one that sat on the bathroom counter and pushed stuff off) and I'm the only one in the house, it's gotta be Chief. But let me go verify this... 

Yep, he was sitting on the counter. But he saw me walk to the kitchen (I needed more coffee), so he hopped down and followed me. Why? I have no idea. I fed him an hour ago. There was no need to follow me, but this is what he does.

When I'm getting ready to take Kayla to school in the morning, he likes to walk RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, either nearly tripping me or causing me to step on him. When I step on him he gets very perturbed and I not-so-gently or quietly explain to him that had he not been walking RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, perhaps I would not have stepped on him. Usually, this explanation, in addition to being somewhat loud, contains several bad words, none of which I will write here, but I'm sure you can imagine.

He has a penchant for wanting to be let out. And then back in. And then out again. Or, if you let him in the back door, thirty seconds later when someone comes through the front door, he dashes out as if you've been holding him hostage for months.

My cat is one crazy a#$ motherf$%ker.

Chief wearing Kayla's nightgown

I don't think he has always been this nuts, but he's old, as my mom always reminds me. She told me today that getting mad at him is like elder abuse. I'm not sure exactly how old he is and I only know he showed up at our door on Corte Arango in El Sob #1 in 1998 or 1999. Like a long time ago.

Also, he has no teeth.

Chief back when he had one tooth

He had one tooth for a really long time. Like, years. But just last week I came home from work and my ex-husband goes, "Hey, Chief lost his tooth." The tooth is MIA. It would have been nice to find it and, as Mom said, put it under a pillow for the Kitty Tooth Fairy, or at least bury it and have a little ceremony, but I am thinking it will not turn up. It probably fell out when he was rolling around in some weeds, one of his favorite things to do, so that he can come home with little burs and weeds stuck to him which fall off in the just the right place for me to step on them.

Anyway, I am thinking that if I had no teeth I'd be kinda crazy and grouchy all the time, so I do try to cut him some slack. I love him very much, he is my Chiefypoo and my kid is absolutely nuts about him. However, he really does make me want to break s$%t. 


vanessa vichit-vadakan said...

So you say Chief (Chief!) is crazy, and you cite all these examples, and then the first picture you post of him is one of him in a nightgown. Now, this is merely an observation from another person who has not one but THREE crazy cats, but you know, well, perhaps the cat is not entirely to blame?

Kimberly Gallagher-Wright said...

I kept looking for the "Like" button for your comment, Vanessa. Is this a sign that I am indeed crazy as well? Poor Chief...and his one no tooth. My sheer adoration of my own cat, "October"...affectionately referred to as "Ockie"...has truly waned over the years. I remember looking at Ockie 10 years ago...while pregnant, and said to my husband "I love Ockie so much...I can't imagine loving something more than my little baby Ockie" Then, I had kids...and the Ockie-love was redirected as each new child came into my life. I'm hoping this is normal, but probably not so much to the animal lovers out there...but now, I say things like "I sure hope you are feeding "the cat", because I'm not". Mercifully, my husband is feeding October, so she has food, and shelter...and definitely love from the offspring that took most of my attention the last 10 years.. She and I still share our moments together...especially after all of the kids have gone to bed..

Jennifer Moore-Skallerud said...

@Spook, awwwwwww, so sweet, and you know I'm with you... Chief was much more tolerable when he was like my baby. And before he got crazy.

@Ness, oh, no doubt. His craziness may be directly proportionate to the amount of crazy in my house and in the people who live or visit there. When the nightgown picture was taken, I was at work. So you should talk to my mom about that one.